.

November 21, 2008

Episode Three YOKINE

Dalkeith v Yokine

After their great win over the Cockburn Roosters the Silvertails travelled to the kennel desperately in need of a win to consolidate the good work of the previous week. The Dogs for their part would be even more desperate as a third straight loss would see their season begin to unravel. The bad news for the Silvertails was the last minute loss of Tom the Bomb Williams which saw wholesale changes take place through the rinks.

In an effort to get the team together the entire team went to see a movie, a beautiful story of an Asian immigrant who, while trying to sail to Australia, on a flimsy junk and with his starving family on board, dives overboard and single handed kills an orca killer whale by plunging his head into the Orcas blowhole.

A significantly overweight family finally reach Australian shores, get citizenship and our hero joins a bowling club. Then one day, many years later, after the story of his heroics leaks out, he is arrested by wildlife authorities for killing an endangered species and jailed. His distraught team mates struggle to get him released and finally plan a breakout.

“Free Willy Tan” was a moving and beautiful film that will have something for the entire family. Four stars. ****

The Duke v Scotty Edmonds 25/11

The Duke took the Mad Dog and the Stallion to his new house on Friday night. The front door was worth more than the Stallion and the Mad Dog put together, even if they were to sell all there body parts on the Indian black market.

The Duke showed them the couch that he moved that stuffed his back up. The Stallion and the Dog could not lift it. A hydraulic jack might. “What the f##k were you thinking Duke” said the Stallion.


The Duke, who had played injured the week before, had no choice but to play injured again, when the Bomb pulled out at the last minute when a family member in the eastern states was diffused. As with last week this was not the week to play injured when he pulled the Scott Edmonds rink.
Even worse was he went into the game with essentially a new team, a function of the last minute changes due to the Bomb going off.

The Pavilion

John “the Pavilion” O’Meahan made his one Red debut at the ripe old age of 73 years young. It was no free kick for “the Pavilion” who this year has won the Spring Fours, is an undefeated skipper in the second team, was very good in the practise matches, including one game of rare brilliance, and after smashing the Krackerjack 21/5 in the club fours just lost the final to Luke Richardson by one shot.

The Mad Dog, abandoned by the Kracker at the pound earlier in the week, was picked up by the Duke and in master stroke was redeployed as a lead, a move that would see the Duke redefine the word regret.
-------------------------------------
---------------------The Mad Dog lick his wounds after a pretty ordinary day

The Dukes rink got away to a shocker and it did not get much better. Caught out on the 17 seconder, on a rink that looked as if it had been prepared by Roy Abbott at the WACA in the early seventies, with a nasty easterly blowing all day, the front end was caught out, which continually left the Due in the shit. Had it not been for the efforts of the Cleaver at three it could have been a total disaster.

-----------------------------------
The Cleaver (photo taken before the match. Cleaver looks much more worn out now)

At one stage the Duke was down 15/2 so it was a minor miracle that the final difference was only nine. Scott Edmonds was terrific early before going off the boil slightly, but John Carter at three had a very good day and did much of the damage through the middle and late sections of the game – and some one told me he couldn’t play.

The Gypsy v Eddie Dodd 18/19

Every Saturday the Beekeeper has to pick up the Gypsy to take him to bowls, a legacy of a certain late last season indiscretion.
-----------------------------

-------------The Gypsy waits for the Beekeeper to pick him up

On the eve of his departure to Croatia earlier this year, with two weeks to go in the bowls season but with promotion assured, he was pulled over by a booze bus. Well in actual fact a police vehicle had seen him lying on the side of the Kwinana freeway between the Canning and Mt Henry bridges.
His scooter was on top of him and the engine was still running. When the police asked if everything was OK the Gypsy flayed his arms drunkenly and slurred, “I’ll take ya all on ya one red bastards”.
It was apparently one of the more impressive readings ever seen.

At the subsequent hearing the Gypsy appeared in a cheap borrowed suit. He had heard that one must address the magistrate as Sir or magistrate. The Gypsy had mis-heard. He referred to the magistrate as “Your Majesty”. The magistrate corrected him. “You may call me sir”.

“Yes sir Majesty” said the Gypsy.

The trial commenced.

The prosecuting sergeant was also the arresting officer, the complainant on the charge sheet and the chief witness for the prosecution. He recited his version of events.

At the end of the prosecution evidence the Gypsy commenced his well reasoned and considered deference.

“Sir Magistrate” he began, “Everything that fat bastard just said is “f#@#en” bullshit”.

The judge had everything struck from the record with the exception of the words “Sir” and “majesty”. It meant than the Gypsy’s defence, not that strong to begin with, was substantially weakened.

He asked the Gypsy if he wished to say anything in mitigation. The Gypsy, after being explained to what mitigation was, went on and told the court that although he had been drinking he had only done it to put money into the coffers of his beloved bowling club.

Further more even though he knew he may have had a bit too much to drink the purpose of the drink driving law was to stop people getting into large vehicle and killing themselves and others. “Like those bastards that drive those USB’s” he said. The Gypsy contended that because he was on a scooter he could not hurt anyone but himself and had in fact put himself at considerable peril and so had already punished himself. The judge rolled his eyes.

In the end the result was inevitable. The Judge explained the laws that applied to drink driving were mandatory. He asked the Gypsy if he understood what that meant. “Of course I do”, said the Gypsy, “but that does not mean you have to follow them”.

He was given six months and $800. The Gypsy asked for time to pay.

“How long do you propose” asked the Judge.

“Not sure”, said the Gypsy “how long do people normally live in this country”.

The judge dismissed the informal application and advised the normal terms would apply, two weeks and the Gypsy was to immediately hand over his license. The Gypsy asked for permission to approach the bench. It was reluctantly granted. With his right elbow on the bench the Gypsy coolly looked around the courtroom, then back toward the judge, placed his left hand against the left side of his mouth so that no one else could hear and whispered out of the right side;
“Mate, ow much for cash?”

The Gypsy was escorted from the Court room by two large Australian police and thrown unceremoniously onto Hay Street where, shortly after, he was seen climbing aboard a 2005 Red scooter before driving confidently off to Dalkeith for a few drinks with the boys and a quick game bowls to earn some money. It was the day he punched Rowdy in the guts.
------------------------------------
The Gypsy and the family suffered their third loss for the season and through no fault of the front end. The Beekeeper is currently in career best form and produced the goods again on Saturday with a brilliant leaders game. Willy Tan did like wise and the Stallion, who is also shooting the lights out, had a blinder at three. The Gypsy and his new bowls – not so good.

The Beekeeper recently passed judgement on the Gypsy’s new bowls. “They pull less than a ninety year old and run like a sailors dick”.

There was a suggestion on Saturday night however that the Gypsy may have played his last game with the SR’s. The Beekeeper had a north-west mud crab barbeque at the hive and the Gypsy was seen using the new bowls as claw breakers. The next day he confirmed the suggestion when he used two of them to weigh down an old sack when he had to drown a couple of unwanted cats.


Luke “the Mongoose” Richardson v Rocket 20/18

---------------------------------------
Luke “the Mongoose” formerly the bowler known as “Liver fluke” Richardson

The Mongoose was promoted to skip. There were not too many other options. He wasn’t a bad option mind you having done it last year at Cockburn.

The Mongoose was exceptional in the first seven ends and did lot to ensure the win. The Saint was exceptional over the course of the entire match and John McCormack was good up front.

The Rocket later said that his team were very, very unlucky to lose and played at a considerable disadvantage – principally due to the fact that he was playing. The “Rocket” has become the “Rocking Chair” in recent weeks.
-------------------------------------
---------------------------“The Rocket” celebrates a close loss.


Krackerjack v Jamie “” O’Keefe 18/20


The Krackerjack took the dog back to the dog pound. Initially the Kracker thought it was a place that you could legally belt a dog. “I’ve got this dog, but it’s no good and so I want to swap it”, said the Kracker.

“What seems to be the problem” enquired the attendant.

“Well a couple of things really. Firstly I think he might be a bit savage coz he has snapped at me a few times. Secondly I think his hearing might be a bit f#@#ed coz there are times that he doesn’t hear what I tell him. And rather than being loyal to me like most dogs he’ll piss off and play with anybody. And when I take him out some times he gets more attention than me”.

“He looks as if he has previously been abused or neglected”, said the attendant with some concern.

“Most of that is self harm”, said the Kracker defensively – “I know nussink – nussink”

-------------------------------
---------------------------A classic case of art impersonating life

“What sort of dog were you after”

“Something a bit more manageable. How about this one over here. That looks pretty docile. What is it, a Border Collie”?

“No Sir that’s a strange new breed, that’s a Vaughan Colley”

“Is it alive”

“We think so”

“Is it a working dog”

“Don’t be so stupid sir”

“Will it bite”

“You’ll be lucky to get it to breathe sir”.

“And your sure it’s alive”

“Pretty sure”.

“Ok I’ll take it. What’s its name?

“Trolley sir”

And so that is how the Kracker swapped the Mad Dog for the Trolley and he seemed pretty happy with his deal as he carried the limp carcass to the car.

The Mad Dog of course harboured no ill feelings, but a f#@#en lot of good it did the treacherous, double crossing, sell you up the river, fat, bald bastard.

Garfield avenged his last year second semi final loss to the Kracker with a very tough 20/17 win over the Krackerjack.

Ross “the Major” Mitchell had a very successful debut at three for the Kracker, successful in the sense that he wasn’t killed. The Trolley had a good game up front and Rowdy again was very good.

But Garfield held his nerve throughout the match and played some telling bowls when needed.

Adrian “the Eclipse” Durrant also had a great game playing three for Garfield and puts a lot of it down to his new sponsorship deal.

The new KFC deal has seen the big guy become very colour coordinated and the equipment is just great, particularly the new versatile bowls bag – “the Bucket”.

Not only is it a tremendous bowls bag, a marvellous fashion statement but also doubles up as a training aid and a bloody good hat, particularly late in the afternoon when caps and hats are just not up to the mark when it comes to providing protection to the ears. And there is another little bonus for the big bloke, he reckons the bag smells just great, it’s the best smelling bag in the business, described in loving and mouth watering terms as a delicate blend of 15 secret herbs and spices.

------------------- ---

-----------------------------------