PART SIX

THE KRACKERJACK
The Krackerjack toward the end of the season was running out of threes. He sacked the Stallion after some communication breakdown during the finals - and because he found out he was a wog. More tough love must be better than less tough love reasoned the Kracker.
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The Kracker with a couple of former threes. Final count last year - five, maybe six

He realised however that the new season in premier league was going to be a bit tough with only a lead and a second, essentially six bowls v eight every week. As a result the Kracker decided to try to program to turn himself into a better nicer and kinder skipper to his three.

He had his wife Sandra, over the off season, would play out certain situations and he was to give pre-determined responses. For their own purposes and for simplification the Kracker was given two identities, Old Marko and New Marko and two sheets with the natural normal responses the Kracker would make and a second sheet with the new improved “lets not kill or #@#*## up the life of another three” responses.

OK said the Sandra at the kitchen table, your three is on the mat, you’re three down on a shortish end with three catches, what do you say to your third

“Don’t be f@#*##en short” snapped Kracker

“Ah no, that was old Marko. Can new Marko think of a better and nicer way to say it”?

“Make sure your not f@#*##en short” said the Kracker menacingly.
“Try again”
“Better not be f@#*##en short” queried the Kracker.
“One more try”
“For f @#*##s sake, don’t be short” said the Kracker hopefully tilting the head to one side.

“OK” said Sandy “Do you remember the words we wrote down about twenty minutes ago on this bit of paper?”, said Sandra waving the second sheet.

”No” said the Kracker after some serious deliberation.

“Ok I’ll give you a couple of choice. Your first choice in this situation, when you need your third to reach the head, is to put you foot where you want the bowl to finish, say a metre or two behind the head and say “Play thru to here” or the second thing you could say is “just play a metre or two on, just make sure you’re here”.

The Kracker sat and thought for a minute soaking in concentration, eyes moving from side to side as he weighted up his options. After a minute he said.
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----------------The Kracker sweats over another tough one from Sandra

“What was the first one again?’”

“Play thru to here”.

The Kracker was again consumed by thought. A minute of two later he responded.

“What was the second one again”

“Just play a meter or two on”

The Kracker thought again. Slowly he nodded his head and a slight smile started to crease his lips. He looked directly at his wife and said.

“What was the first one again?”

“Play thru to here”, said Sandra with the patience of a nurse at a mental facility.

“What if he’s short” enquired the Kracker suggesting there must be some punishment for being short.

“It doesn’t matter” said Sandra.

A minute later the Kracker turned confidently to his wife and announced “Number two”.


Very good New Marko and what was that. Marko stared blankly at the wife. “OK let’s start again” Apparently it’s been a tough off season for Sandra.
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The Kracker gets out of the blocks quickly as he attempts to catch the Stallion and give him a good hiding for putting doubt in his mind about his shot selection and causing him to miss.

During the Spring Fours one of the visiting country boys asked about how the Club felt about being promoted to Premier division after 40 years in the wilderness and did we have formal practice sessions and training routines to prepare for the upcoming season. Every one on the table looked at him and then pissed themselves laughing.
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-------------------------------------------Practise my arse!!

When they realised he was serious they calmed down a bit. “The Duke might be loaded but do you know how much it costs him a year just to get the Kracker and the Gypsy to play on Thursday and Saturday”, said the Saint. “If we had compulsory training the Duke would have to get another job”.

Next Week: The return of the Gypsy